Peer pressure...among parents

In first grade my oldest wanted to learn chess as part of an after school program. The other girls in her class decided to stick together for the cheer leading class. It made me so proud when my daughter still picked chess and enjoyed it even though there were just two other girls in that group.

I have always encouraged her to do what she wants and not worry about the popular choices. Whether it is her Indian name, the fact that she loves playing soccer and basketball with boys, that she always prefers to wear sneakers and not sandals and is not fixated on the color pink. It’s a long list and she owns these decisions with pride and so far doesn’t care about or enjoy doing things most other girls sometimes do just because it’s popular.

I think most parents try to encourage their children to accept their differences and not follow the herd. But many parents don’t lead by example when it comes to their families.   

Children attend preschools that send back homework and four-year-olds have to learn their ABCs and numbers (sometimes, shockingly enough, multiplication tables!) to get a head start.

Piano and violin lessons start in Kindergarten.

Kumon classes in first grade.

Spanish or Hindi language lessons begin around this time too.

None of these activities are being done because children want to be carted from one activity to another after school. Parents are under so much pressure from other parents to enroll in some or all of the above that no one stops to think about it anymore. Everything anyone does anymore is based on how it would look on a college application. But it’s peer pressure and parents are not following their own advice that they so often met out to their kids - do your own thing. Don’t let others dictate what you should or should not do.

We have always enjoyed a leisurely pace as a family even after we had children. One activity per child. Right now it’s soccer for both. They enjoy the game and have never even thought of quitting because they love the one structured thing they get to do outside of school! It is a change from their free play at the park every evening. My daughter has been playing soccer for two years now pretty much year round. She loves the game and I appreciate what she gets from it- teamwork, confidence, skills, how it feels to win and lose and also builds her stamina.

If only people would realize what a huge difference it makes if your children are young and you’re not over scheduled. They can enjoy a warm, home cooked meal without having to grab a snack on the go. If they have siblings, they get to play together. Read. This is a huge part of our household. A weekly trip to the library and they can borrow as many books as they like and spend hours reading because that’s what afternoons are for- lazing around. They get to go to the park every evening because they don’t have anywhere else to be. Outdoors, they socialize, get into trouble, run around and just be kids. It gives me time to catch up on a book or chat with a friend. Win. Win.

While we teach our children to own their uniqueness and even flaunt it, why not do the same as parents and focus on your child’s development in the present. It will be time for college applications soon enough. Who knows your child might even have the most unique application by NOT doing what everyone else did growing up.